Monthly Archives: May 2011
Sup? It is so hot here, I’ve got to tell ya, I wish I had me a fan!!
Yesterday I went to Whole Foods for samples with Tessa and stopped by Marshals! What a nice break from campus. As I’ve mentioned, I’m looking for a bathing suit for my summer camp counselor position this summer, and so I looked around at Marhsals and found this gem!
Yes my friends, I think we have a winner.
just kidding, I’d be fired on a hot second wearing that baby.
I found these awesome giant raisins. Have you ever seen raisins so big? Who is a raisin lover out there? I used to love love them but now I prefer dried cranberries because they are tart. Raisins have become too sweet.
Tessa and I perused the samples but they really had nothing but a milk sample and some chocolate mousse. We stopped by the bakery section and checked out the object of our affection (and worst fear)….the CINNAMON BUN
It was a rather short outing because Tessa, as an RA, had to be back on campus to move more people out. It was really great to hang out with her though and I’m definitely going to miss her when I go abroad next year!
I took a detour to Deals and Steals on my way back to Smith because I wanted to stock up for home on the cheap stuff.
For under $20? I think yes!
10 packaets of organic instant oatmeal
20 packets of tea
1 cinnamon sugar kettle corn
1 mint chocolate soy crisps
1 baked salt and pepper chips
1 soy nut butter
1 banana peanut butter (for when I *possibly* can eat nuts!)
4 packets of vegan stabilizer for whipped cream (or oats, methinks!)
3 packages of tea; blueberry green x1 and iced green x2
1 steaz orange soda thing (stevia rocks my world!)
1 chocolate cake mix- sweeten your own. I’m going to use my nunaturals baking blend that I won in Whitney’s giveaway!
1 tofu pudding mix
4 vegan green shake protein poweders
3 bars to add to my mouldy bar stash, a la Freya
Yes. I’m way excited!!
It was just so hot yesterday too. Today is a bit better, although I’m warm because I just got back from a long walk with mah book.
I lay around lazily yesterday taking photobooth pics of myself to document the heat.
Our a cappella group had our senior banquet, as I mentioned. It was okay and singing the song went alright, I just didn’t look at A as I sang it.
Speaking of clothing I’d like to talk about pants.
Today my mom sent me my black pants to wear for Glee Club and Groove when we perform today and tomorrow. I have one pair of black pants I always wear, knowing that they fit me and I feel good wearing them. Another thing you should know about me is that I always wear one outfit per day, avoiding changing for body image reasons. Well, upon receiving these pants in the mail, I went to the campus center bathroom to put them on and found them a bit tight. I was actually surprised at how well I handled this.
As I may have mentioned (or perhaps I forgot), while at home between senior week and the end of school, I tried on everything in my closet. I liked the way all my clothes felt and I felt good when I looked in the mirror. I thought my legs looked strong and would be a part of my body I would be comfortable to show around in shorts at camp this summer, rather than hide for being too thin, like I usually do.
The thing is, I just battle with myself lately about whether I’m okay with gaining necessary weight. In the past few months, my hair has gone from feeling like limp straw to renewed bouncy curls and my nose is less pointy. The backs of my hands no longer sink in between my tendons and I am okay to sit in a hard chair for more than 30 minutes. Does this freak me out? Yes! Especially because I haven’t been doing as well at eating normally as I could be, but I also see that my rules around food are going away and I could very well be eating more than I think I am.
It is so hard to be in this place, the place directly between recovery and sickness. I know I want recovery but it is hard sometimes to see into the future to what it would mean. My body image goes up and down by the second- situational. One second I’m freaking out and the next I feel relatively fine.
I know for sure that the only thing to do now is to move forward. There are so many wonderful, beautiful people who have recovered from this and I can too. I just need to prove it to myself. Besides, you can’t live stuck inside an eating disorder. I’ve found that being with people is far less painful than it was before. I can be friendly and amiable, I don’t have to be moody and crabby. There is life that is waiting for me, possibly even this summer!!
Off to sing from 1230 to 6pm. lord almighty!
RECOVERY? BRING IT ON.
I’ve been slacking with my posting lately which is mainly because I’ve been strung between finals and home and being back at school to record for a cappella 6 hours a day. Needless to say, I’m exhausted and can’t even make straight thoughts.
Today’s recording session was awful. Our pitch yelled at me again and this time I broke. I apologized to her between hands I held to my face as if they could stop the tears. She didn’t even apologize or listen to me. She walked away.
I left the room and found another member of our group outside who sat me down and rubbed my back while I tried not to lose it completely.
I’ll give A (the pitch) the benefit of the doubt. I was having low energy (I have NO energy today and yesterday….) and because of that, I might have not had the most positive attitude. But I also hate feeling needy or drawing attention to myself, so I wouldn’t tell anyone even if I was feeling seriously ill for fear they wouldn’t care or would think I was trying to get attention. During recording, I could barely keep my eyes open, but I said nothing. Not to mention that I kept falling asleep on my feet. I was just miles away.
As you know, the struggle between this pitch and I is not a one time thing, it has happened before. Perhaps it all stems back to my general lack of social abilities, I don’t know. But it is certainly making spending multiple hours with my a cappella group- a pastime I used to so enjoy- kind of dreadful. I’ve been thinking a whole bunch about what it is that makes people drop me. I don’t have any answers yet, but I’m trying to be mindful of how I act around others so I can read their signals if I’m doing something wrong. Regardless, I don’t think she has any right to berate me every time she’s feeling down. She does it in private, maybe so people can’t stick up for me. Luckily, a. she is graduating on sunday and b. I still know that I’m a worthwhile person. You all follow my blog, so I must have some redeeming qualities. haha.
Do you have any advice?
Our glee club had the senior banquet last night. I went, sat with K and C, ate 2 plates of salad, buttered broccoli and mashed potatoes (poor veg options!) and then we left. We just weren’t feeling it and it was C’s birthday so we walked around in town a bit before going to get her the free Sundae that you get on your birthday from our local ice cream joint.
Town hosts two markets each week which is really fun. The saturday morning farmers market and a smaller scale tuesday market which is the one we encountered quite by accident while walking the back way so as not to walk around the restaurants huge glass windows and be discovered/shamed for our leaving the banquet. Wow that was a long sentence.
I love free samples, so we tried some different spreads. I think this one was like maple gooseberry? I liked it. I’m not sure K did though…
C liked it!
and the best part was that there was a cute little black lamb for petting/nuzzling. I did the latter, of course.
We tried some cheese. I have got to say, anywhere where samples are, samples of cheese are my favorite. Whole Foods shout out??
something funny happened; I tried some goat cheese that I liked!! Strange, I usually find it too bitter. It contained honey, which I usually find too sweet, but this cheese was to die for, seriously! There may be hope to me visiting the land of goat cheese yet!
C for her birthday sundae.
and some chocolate all over her lips.
All in all, we agreed it was better than just sitting at senior banquet.
Time for retro pictures!
Sunday began with a run. I was feeling ambitious/not tired as usual, and woke up to some nut butter covered dates- of course!
is there even a date under there?
It was sunday and E and I (being the earliest risers in the house) made breakfast in bed for my mother on Mother’s Day. Guess what I made?
My mom shares my love of oatmeal, which makes everything easy
we didn’t want to make Dad feel bad, so we whipped him up some rather ugly lookin’ pancakes from the leftover batter in the fridge. Sounds terrible, but I tried one and they weren’t bad.
Then I went on my run.
I love my mother photo bombing in the background.
Had myself a delish vanilla protein shake.
I was amazed at myself. I’ve been feeling really tired lately, but since I’ve been home I’ve been eating better (more carbs!) and I did my whole run without stopping which was pretty big for me and the fatigue I’ve been feeling. I knew I wanted a big refuel when I got home!
Yes, I looked terrible and put on some snazzy sunglasses
I had another one later.
Do you ever get on two smoothie day kicks?
Now I’m going to go get some lunch and read a bit before our senior banquet tonight- a cappella style! I hope it turns out okay. I’m singing “Slow Pony Home” by The Weepies which is the senior song. I have the solo but I’m not sure how comfortable I feel singing it to A. I feel like maybe I’m not the one she’d choose….ugh feelings! slow pony home. Nice song, really.
See you tomorrow!! a review of some yummy things is coming, as well as a recap of senior banquet!
Hi you all. I don’t know what I’m doing getting into the habit of making nighttime posts, but I should hope that I don’t make it permanent. Do you prefer nighttime or morning posts?
I’m back to school tomorrow because my a cappella group is recording over what our school calls “senior week” – the week before commencement. Glee club also performs at the commencement concert the night before commencement, which is a nice little thing. One more week on campus. It has been nice being home for a couple days though. I’ve made 2.5 loaves of banana bread, had a great rice cake in a jar and some yummy salad beasts! I hope this week is fun, and it will probably involve lots of long walks, some runs and reading by the ton. What it won’t involve, is recipes and cooking. I’m sorry guys but there just is no opportunity for this while I’m there. Look for me to be fully back in action by sunday next though!
ALSO I should warn you that I’m working as a summer camp counselor this summer and won’t be cooking either. I’ll try to post as often as I can, but since I have to be “on” 100%, I don’t know what I can promise. I hope you’ll all stick around for fall though (and the future) because I’m going to LONDON and will have my very own flat with a kitchen and the cooking/grocery store exploration will begin! Again, I’m really sorry about this but I’m really looking forward to both being a counselor and studying abroad.
Please, please stay with me guys, I really value your comments.
alright, enough sappy sap.
I think spring is finally here.
time for a yogurt mess!
1 container Fage 2% (this stuff. so creamy.)
1 cup puffed wheat
simple and good.
I basically unpacked today
and brought some stuff up to my room.
then I had some lunch.
2 slices pickle
1 wasa cracker
Anyone else like salad as much as I do??
and I decided to put the tuna with some veggie cheese on the wasa cracker.
My family ordered chinese food for dinner so I ordered some plain veggies and stir fried them up with some yogurt curry sauce.
True confessions: I’m a girl who always professed to
hate television. I find most shows pointless, crude and mindless. I’d prefer to spend my time reading or talking or taking long walks or something that uses my brain. BUT my parents recently started watching Glee and told me to watch it. Being a singer myself (a cappella and Glee club) I decided to give it a shot.
Let’s just say that I watched 4 episodes in a row on Netflix last night…..
While I can’t say this is a complete turn around for me and TV, I must admit, I really like Glee (this rhymes!)
This certainly doesn’t mean I’m going to watching Jersey Shore or other reality things or whatever, but I like what Glee has to offer. It deals with some real things in a mature way and has witty banter and I like that.
and maybe now I won’t have to look so blank when people talk about television.
I don’t meant to offend at all, I’m just being real. Everyone deserves a true confession sometimes.
So hey guys, remember me? I’m finally done for the year, which is such a relief, and I’ve got a couple days worth of photos for you!! I’m going to just do a bit of recap with photo captions and then tell in
glorious detail the things that need telling, of course.
Nothing wrong with having two jars of nut butter open at once, right?
I came home to my long expected packages of things to review for you all!! I am so psyched to try everything and give you all my two cents. OH WAIT – seriously, here is the UPS guys RIGHT NOW.