Pie- Oh My!

I’ve been home for about a week now and have been settling back into life in boring old Upstate New York.

If you know me, you know that I’ve got major phone phobia. Earlier in the week,  the phone rang.  Unaffected, I sat in my chair, typing away (probably on pinterest….)

‘You going to get that?’ I shouted, as Mom hurried down the stairs, grabbing the phone on its last ring.

Mom talked and walked for a bit (as Moms do) and announced that we had both been invited to a book club meeting of someone she knows through E’s boy scout troop.

‘Mrs. W thinks very highly of you Hannah, I would be flatted,’ Mom told me

‘Oh, I am!’ I replied, truly tickled to have been invited along, as an affirmation of my movement into adult life.

‘And she’s made a pie.’ Mom continued, ‘which you must plan on eating if you’re going to go’

Silence.

It has been year since I’ve eaten a piece of pie. Sure, I’ve had pie, if by ‘had pie’ you mean a spoon/fork/finger full, one berry, bit of crust, or crumb from the topping. An entire piece? Not so much.

.

To be honest, my first thought was, ‘what kind?’ then, ‘I wonder if you could handle this…’ closely followed by, ‘god, no you can’t have pie!’

.

Reading my mind, Mom told me it was to be Strawberry Rhubarb. Before my family members developed our respective food difficulties (allergies, eating disorders, intolerances, etc) Mom and Dad used to spend all day in the garden, harvesting our now fallow beds. Often, they would pick our strawberry plants bare and cut down the thick stalks of rhubarb and Mom would make a strawberry rhubarb crisp or pie.

I’d always be able to smell it cooking in the oven. Juices bubbling, sweet strawberries melding with tart rhubarb underneath a perfectly browned crust. As a small child, I’m pretty sure I had piece after piece, not caring about sugar, fat, or calories.

Memories of childhood combined with my affinity for adults and books won out and come thursday, we were in the car on our way.

I’m not sure whether it was the fact that neither Mom nor I had read the book (not having been given time) or the deadly pie sitting under saran wrap on the table that impeded my ability to pay compete attention  to the discussion of the book, but my mind was wont to wonder.

Just as I thought she was going to forget all about the gooey creation, she pulled out a book, read us a rather touching excerpt from the book, Making Piece, and transitioned into the kitchen with a pie slicer.

.

As she cut the pie, Mrs. W asked whether everyone would be having a piece. I stifled the small urge to decline, and gravitated towards the piece which had been placed in front of my mother. Sitting around the table, Mrs. W explained that this recipe had been her mother’s and we began to eat.

Not this pie, but it looked a lot like this

The first mouthful and I am suddenly 10 again, before my life was complicated, before I was constantly aware of my body. The two fruits were combined just as I remembered, the crust, I left for last as always. Everyone else seemed to enjoy their pieces, which is how eating should be. A lovely social activity.

As I take another forkful, I realise that I’m not exactly sure how to eat pie anymore. Why can’t I dip it in nut butter? Put yogurt all over it? Where is my mini fork and my festive plate? No, it’s just me, a fork, and a plate full of pie. This experience is meant to be truly mindful, and I’m suddenly aware. I don’t shovel it in, but my bites are normal, as my tongue rejoices in flavours I haven’t tasted full on in years.

‘Does anyone want another piece?’ Mrs. W asks, although none of us have finished.

My inner child, peaking out from behind Ed’s grip yells, ‘Oh me! Yes, the entire pie please!’ But my 21 year old self remains silent. I know that one piece is enough. And I am proud for having let myself eat that piece.

Who knows, maybe this is the start of my renewed relationship with pie.

After all, our rhubarb plant is getting kind of big….

Love, Hannah

Going South

It’s a lovely summer day here in Upstate New York.

The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and there is a cool breeze rustling the leaves and cutting through the warm temperatures.

I couldn’t ask for a more beautiful day.

While I certainly don’t wish I were in the south, given my proclivity for cool weather and my dislike for heat, I certainly have been channeling their food lately.

Or perhaps that’s just the recipes that I stumbled upon whilst cleaning my room and decided we had the ingredients for.

Ever since arriving home from London and being reunited with my functioning and (mostly) clean kitchen, I’ve been wanting to cook. To be honest, sometimes I just look around my kitchen and think, ‘what could this go with?’ and combine ingredients into some semblance of meals. So was the case with these beans.

We’ve got a cupboard full of dried beans that probably have been there for ages (which might have contributed to the slight crunchy texture of the following recipe). The same goes for the tempeh, and the cornmeal, really.

Baked goodness

Vegetarian Baked Beans

I love baked beans, and my Dad probably loves them more than I. But he cannot eat corn syrup and I dislike the over-sweetness of most tinned beans. Here’s where these come in. They have all the flavours of the beans you love, but with none of that gackish gloppy sweetness and artificial ingredients. Win-win.

 

1 1/4 cups dry navy beans, soaked overnight and cooked thoroughly

1/4 cup

tomato

 sauce

1 tbsp arrowroot

1 TBSP black strap molasses

1 small  onion, diced finely

1 teaspoon yellow mustard ( I actually ended up adding more, since I love mustard)

2 TBSP apple cider vinegar

salt and pepper to taste

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F
2. In a nonstick frying pan, Add in diced onions and cook until soft.
3. In a large mixing bowl, add cooked beans and toss with onions.
4. Add in tomato sauce, arrowroot, yellow mustard, apple cider vinegar, black strap molasses, pink Himalayan salt, and black pepper; stir together well.
5. In casserole dish add in bean mixture; spread evenly with spoon.
6. Bake on 350 degrees F for 50-60 minutes or until browned and slightly crisped on top.

after being crockpotted with more water. Much more tender.

I made the beans first and realised I wanted something to go with them. Here’s where Katie’s cornbread comes in. I don’t know if any of you guys hate to see ingredients languishing, but we’ve had some strange cornmeal mixture on the counter for awhile and I got sick of seeing it there. ‘Well,’ I thought, ‘I might as well make a dent in it.’ So when I found this recipe on pinterest, I knew I’d have to give it a try. I mean, it uses 2 full cups of cornmeal. How could that NOT make a dent

before cutting. Doesn’t it look traditional.

Flourless Cornbread

Everyone loves cornbread. There is something comforting about its crumbly yet cakey texture that goes perfect with everything from chili to honey to nut butter. This one is probably the easiest one I’ve ever made, and uses no flour and no eggs. Sweeten more, if you like.

1/2 cup soy milk

1 tabespoon white vinegar

1 serving egg replacer (equivalent to one egg)

2 cups fine or medium cornmeal

2 T baking powder

1 tsp salt

1/2 tsp baking soda

1 tbsp sugar (more, if desired baked good is one that is rather sweet)

1/4 + 2 tbsp applesauce/apple butter (this was my mom’s homemade)

1. Mix the vinegar with the milk, and set aside.

2.Combine dry ingredients and mix very well.

3.In a separate bowl, combine the applesauce, and milk-vinegar.

4.Then pour the wet into dry and mix until just mixed.

5.Pour into a greased 8×8 dish and cook at 420 F (preheated) for about 25 minutes.

6.Let cool at least 15 minutes before trying to cut, or it will crumble. (I have trouble waiting, but it will be worth it)

 

You’ve got to taste it, duh. 

And because I simply couldn’t bear to look at that package of tempeh sitting in the fridge any more, I settled on the recipe I’d found tucked between the pages of a book whilst cleaning my room earlier in the week. Tempacon, as I’ve dubbed it.

this seriously looks like a mouldy protein bar.

The tempeh people wrap it like they don’t want you to get in. You cut through and think you’re in, but you’re wrong. There is still another layer of plastic, somehow wound around backwards and upside down so that you’ve got to spend ten more minutes trying to get the darn thing out. I don’t even LOVE tempeh that much.

merry marinading.

Tempacon

(adapted from Vegetarian Times)

I don’t crave bacon, in fact, I abhor the smell of it and complain readily when my family cooks it, but for some reason, this seemed like the right thing to do with the languishing tempeh.

• 1 8-oz. pkg. tempeh, sliced into 24 very thin slices
• 2 tbsp low-sodium soy sauce
• 2 Tbs. apple cider vinegar
• ½ tsp. ground cumin
• ½ tsp.  chile powder
• 2 tsp. liquid smoke, optional
•  paprika, optional

1. Lay tempeh slices in baking dish. Bring soy sauce, vinegar, cumin, ancho chile powder, and ½ cup water to a boil in small saucepan. Boil 1 minute, then remove from heat, and stir in liquid smoke, if using. Pour over tempeh slices. Let cool, then cover and chill 2 hours, or overnight.

2. Preheat oven to 300°F. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper. Carefully transfer tempeh slices to prepared baking sheet, and discard marinade, if extra.

3. Sprinkle with paprika, if desired. Bake 10 to 15 minutes, or until beginning to brown. Flip tempeh slices, and bake 5 to 7 minutes more, or until crisp and dark brown.

hot from the oven

These turned out lovely. I’ve had some for lunch dipped in hummus and mustard. Everything is good with mustard, I’m telling you. They’re actually also good dipped in nut butter. If everything is good in mustard, everhting +1 is good with nut butter. DUH.

When you’ve got this much goodness, you end up looking like this.

Quite happy.

This summer is going anywhere but south.

Love, Hannah

On Failure and Brains

Burns on the finger. no good.

All sorts of misfortunes are happening around these parts! I burnt my finger whilst making that bread the other day.

Fun Fact: All my burns take the same shape because they are the shape of the bars in the oven!

another one bites the dust.

I used to worry about being sad because I had to leave all my dinnerware in London when I flew home. At this point it doesn’t matter because oddly enough, I have broken it all!! This bowl was the last to go. When did I get so clumsy?

well, it was almost successful.

See this bread? Our oven is such a nonworking piece of rubbish that I had to slice the bread and put it on the grill in order for it to cook!

Well, THAT’s an awful picture.

Lucky this chocolate was only £1 because it is probably the worst dark chocolate I’ve ever had! Just doesn’t even melt in your mouth at all. Sainsbury’s £0.35 chocolate tastes 10x better!

ONSLAUGHT

messymessymessy

size reference needed.

sad times friends, sad times.

Basically that progression shows the end of term onslaught of clubbing posters no one bothers to read. As if every single person in our flat needs to read a separate one….

Fail number many = our kitchen and how no one (except me) bothers to clean it. The cleaner and I have a special bond because I feel so bad for him every time he comes in to see it in its naturally messy state. And this picture? That is it when it is CLEAN.

Fail next= protein powder almost win. My flat mate left for the US on monday and left a whole bunch of his things in the kitchen for us to free range on. One of the things he left was a hot kettle, which I helped myself to since we’ve already got two in the kitchen.

The other was this GIANT thing of protein powder (see picture of hand above for size comparison). I was PUMPED to try all the awesome protein powder recipes I’ve been reading about online and pinning, etc. BUT this protein powder had SPLENDA in it? Seriously guys? Who puts nonnutritive sweeteners in something that is supposed to be good for you? I was majorly bummed. There went all my hopes of making protein pancakes and protein bread and protein bars and protein frosting and protein shakes. Sad times.

Fun fact: purple cabbage does turn your fingers purple!

I read an article today about nutritive and nonnutritive sweeteners in hopes of finally coming to an understanding of what the heck sugar and splenda and the like are for. I can’t bring myself to ingest those artificial things, yet find Stevia to be okay. I don’t do granulated sugar much, but fruit sugar is okay. I want to know more about it. I guess I can’t eschew something entirely. No one should, it is unbalanced.

On that note. But not really on that note at all. Today I went to the Wellcome Collection to see the exhibit on Brains with my friend S, who I will be living with next year. It was a really fascenating exhibit with brains of people on display, instruments, casts of brains, blood vessels, spinal chords, medical cool sciency stuff. No pictures allowed though, so I had to do without.

Lunch was delicious curry hummus atop some crispbreads with roasted onions and cinnamon and herbs. I’m a huge fan of this lunch but am now out of the hummus

perfection.

On life: I decided to rescind my application to be unit director at the camp this summer because of the conflict with the two Fulbright essays that would have been due smack dab in the middle of the camp season. It was disappointing, but cliche as it may sound, when one door closes (even if you shut it yourself) another opens. I emailed my brother’s teacher to ask whether there were any opportunities to volunteer or observe in the summer school classroom and she emailed me back saying the school board wondered if I would be a personal literacy tutor to three families who could not afford or could not get to summer school!

I immediately said yes! I’m so excited because I’m really interested in literacy ,especially ways in which different forms/philosophies of education approach reading and learning to read. This will give me an opportunity to work with the school district and see a bit of behind the scenes. I couldn’t be more thrilled.

Moral of the story? Don’t be afraid to ask because you think you will fail. There is no such thing as an outrageous question. Sometimes you can get something you never imagined if you only ask.

Love, Hannah x

Museuming Again

Good Sunny Morning!

I honestly could not think of a title for this post. I have been sitting here for the past five minutes staring off into space, thinking of everything that is too corny or cheesy (why are those both having to do with food?) and altogether confusing.

So there you have it. Something literal. Because yesterday I was museuming again.

My wonderful body woke me up early again so that I could have time to putz around before I left. (<– not really, but I DID have time)
I decided it might be a good idea to make some jam since I had some rather squidgy plums taking up space on my shelf in the fridge.

Looks horrid. Tastes perfect.

I love plums for a few reasons.
1. They seem to always be the cheapest fruit here, so I’ve kind of been buying them exclusively. (and probably will lay off them once I get home for awhile haha)
2. They are the perfect mixture of tart and sweet.

Two minutes zapped in the microwave and BAM –> JAM!

It pairs well with yogurt cheese, and cinnamon on toast.

I love the lighting in this one

Toast in tummy, I set off to the bus stop wearing my vintage dress that I figured might be appropriate for where I was headed: The Imperial War Museum.

I got to the bus stop and, what do you know? There was another woman there wearing a vintage dress! I kind of looked around and made like, ‘no, we are not going to a convention’ and boarded the bus.

Glasses are obviously not in keeping with the theme. But they protect my eyes.

I took the bus through London, south of the River to Elephant and Castle. After winding my way through the meandering tunnels that burrow underneath the traffic circle there, I found myself leaving behind the dangerously complex traffic and walking towards the park in which the museum was located.

Something is missing…the third guy hasn’t got a body!

After walking around a bit and enjoying the sunshine, I found my friend and the two friends he had invited, and we went inside.

CHANGE YOUR LIFE

so many planes!

While my D and his friends perused the hall, I made for the loos (tmi?) since my bus ride had been long!

awkward.

Taking pictures of yourself in the full length mirror is totally okay….right?

oh herro

Obviously. Because I kept doing it.

We made our way upstairs and thank goodness for this sign:

aw darn it!

Because I would have been more than happy to climb all over this old double decker!

WHOA!

Probably wouldn’t be safe….in my opinion, the best museums are the ones you can touch!

D did get a picture of me going into the body of a plane though. Sort of….I’m in motion!

bon voyage!

This one was better.

I’m inside!

After viewing all the tanks and aeroplanes and such, we made our way through the Holocaust Exhibit (I’m a bit of a WWII buff in this category) and down to the general War areas where there was a Trench Experience (which smelled like pee…) and a Blitz Experience (which made me want to build a bomb shelter in my back yard…)

Do you ever feel like you were born in the wrong century? Which century would you choose?

I’m in love with all the wartime propaganda posters- the art really pops! The best ones were those for the victory gardens though!

Obviously.

The messages and graphics are cute and catchy.

humble pie! Save your food!

and as a self identified cheapskate and food saver, I identify with these posters. Maybe I wasborn in the wrong time period….

I totally do this.

There was one, however, that I couldn’t get behind.

I won’t, thank you.

For me, bread is something that has always meant fear. I don’t know what it is, but the staff of life strikes me dumb. I’m slowly working to overcome this, but I simply could not get behind a poster telling me to eat less of it

Potatoes?

jumping Mr. Potato head?

I had a look at this picture after I’d uploaded it and freaked out before I realised that those are D’s fingers, not mine.

family classic.

Do any of you guys know this song? My Dad always sang it when I was a child to encourage good manners.

I even bought three post cards to put on my wall. I forgot to take pictures of them but they say:

-Eat your greens
-YOU deserve victory
-Start Fresh today

All are about victory gardens, except the YOU one, which has Winston Churchill on it.  Fun Fact: Did you know that Winston Churchill and I share the middle name, Spencer?

what a majestic building.

Did you know that (I think) this building has been the Imperial War Museum since 1919?

We had a truly lovely day, and the humidity even stayed away so that I could enjoy a lovely breeze on my walk back to the bus.

I even managed to beat the heat until I got back to my heat box of a room with the window that only opens 2 inches

baked some bread.

I baked some bread in our rubbish oven and had to flip the entire thing over to cook the insides as well because it doesn’t ever cook things all the way through. Gosh what I’d give to be home able to actually cook things. It is a bit gooey in the middle, but it came out alright.

I’m currently sitting in my room listening to Nickel Creek and reading about Nutritive and Non Nutritive Sweeteners. I’m setting off to the Wellcome Collection museum after lunch to look at some brains!

Hope today doesn’t get too hot!

Love, Hannah X

ps: Does anyone want to do a guest post for me while I’m in Morocco from June 7-14? 

When in Doubt, Dance About

fewf! I just spent the last 10 minutes dancing wildly around my room and am now wildly out of breath.

Well Great Hannah, you are now ready for dancing with the stars.

Not by half, but hear me out. When you are stressed, there is nothing like expending super amounts of energy to loud music to help you calm down and centre yourself. Today’s picks were:

Magic Carpet Ride for a nice warm up followed by the all out energy burst of Outkast.

Sure, we all get stressed from time to time and this is one of my favourite ways to cope. Not all my coping skills are and have been healthy, bus this one is one of the best. Others include:

-Knitting
-Meditating
-Drawing
-Blogging
-Singing
-Going for a walk/run
-Journaling
-also: 

Why am I stressed this time? Since the beginning of the year, or really, since second term last year, I’ve been in the process of applying for an ETA (English Teaching Assistantship) Fulbright Felloship.

In all its glory

The Fulbright is a US Government funded felloowship that gives post grads the chance to either teach or do research in another country for a year as emissaries of the US.  I’m applying to Taiwan, the country where my sister and brother were born and where my great grandparents lived and taught English themselves.

Taiwan, Formosa.

Taiwan, in case you’re one of those oddly confused people (which I sincerely hope you are not) is not Thailand. It is also not China. It is its own country off the coast of China.

I am lucky because my college has one of the highest acceptance rates in the country for Fulbright Fellowships. Lucky as I am, however, this also means that the process of applying is very daunting. You must first register your interest, then submit a questionnaire to the FPA (Fulbright Programs Ambassador, DA, as I like to call him). If you are approved to continue, you will be admitted into the program and given a whole new set of links protected by password. You will then register with a 23 page document, which will lead you on to another 23 page document (where I am now) which has two 10 page documents (where I also am) which work within and feed into it.

If this sounds confusing or daunting, just don’t forget that this all comes with mountains of pages to read and strict deadlines to which to adhere. Next up will be drafting and writing two essays and meeting to secure affiliates and cultural enrichment programs. Did I mention I was also applying for a Language Enhancement Grant (LEG HA) to improve my Chinese?

I may or may not look a little like this right now:

fuming.

Literal pressure. Not to mention that I’ve applied for a job as the Unit Director at a summer camp back home. There are two problems with this:

1. The job begins 17 June. I fly home 17 June. They’ve said I could be there in the morning 18 June. Which gives me about 10 hours with my family (minus sleep) before I jet off again for another month.

2. I’ve got to have two Fulbright essay drafts in by 15 July, which is, as luck would have it, smack dab in the middle of the camp season.

So I have no idea whether I’ll take the job or not. Great money, awesome summer outside with kids? Of course. But also time is of the essence here and there is no computer access there.  So either I work myself with nose to the grindstone for the next two weeks before I go to Morocco, or I say, no thanks, to the job.

Why is life so hard?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With that off my chest, we can move along to something a bit more aesthetic.

Unidentified Flying Egg Discs!

Only….I just told you what they were, so no surprises there.

UFEDS!

I probably slathered these with yogurt, cinnamon and nut butter, if I know myself well enough to discern that….

You know what I love about the Holland and Barrett Penny sale?

swirly

Having to buy multi vitamins and realising that sunflower seeds in a 500g bag are only 1p. Winning.

Once more, with feeling

baby, come closerrrrr

You know what’s even better?

roasty toasty

When the fixer people FINALLY come to fix your hob/oven after it has been broken for a week and you can roast your sunflower seeds.

and add melted chocolate to it.

I’m drooling.

Okay, that is seriously enough nut butter pictures.

I’ll disappoint you now and tell you that those have been gone for a week and replaced by plain peanut butter.

Somehow, it just looks better messy.

I told myself that I’d be okay buying the sunflower seeds because they would last me until I went home.
False.

I told myself, ‘Okay, so you’ll probably only need one 200g bag of peanuts to last you until you go home’

False.

Guess I actually eat more nut butters than I thought I did? Good for me, TAKE THAT ED!

We are the best of friends, obviously.

All the smiles.

Bloggers have gotten flack for having posted pictures of themselves with nut butter before, but I’ll just say that nut butter has saved my life and helped my recovery, so I can and will post pictures like this because they DO express the relationship we have. My mom always says, ‘thank god for nut butter!’ and you know, she is right!

What we have is real okay? (in a lighthearted voice, mind you)

Here is a nice ending note, in case you DO believe that posting pictures of oneself with jars of drippy nut fat is not a-okay.

Brixton at dusk.

I’m really glad to have time for blogging. It makes me smile. YOU make me smile.

Hannah x

I can’t stay away

So, I know it is exam time and you probably all think I’ve gone under in light of that, but I could not stay away. I’ve got too much to say! Not regularly, since most days these days consist of….revising ALL DAY intermixed with some time on facebook and eating and pinterest and skyping my mom and trying to figure out internships and my Fulbright.

I’ve been out a few times with friends. Don’t hate me, but I actually really like clubbing?

Hear me out. As someone recovering, drinking still means calories for me, but on the one hand, I’ve learned that a night out here and there does not automatically make me unhealthy, and on the other, I can go out and still have fun without drinking. Both of these facts are reassuring, although it only decreases my irrational fears somewhat. I’m working on this. I’m sure this is relatable.

I’ve been a bit lonely since everyone has been revising. Not to mention that everyone who wasn’t was off traveling. How they’ve got the time to do so, is beyond me. Some other international students are on programmes, but I’m here for the full year, directly enrolled in uni, so I’ve got to stay until I’ve gotten the exams sorted.

So what have I been doing with myself? Besides revising, that is. My friend D and I went to see the London Marathon last sunday, which I’ve been waiting for literally all year. I don’t know what I was expecting but it was a lot of this :

Run!

It was actually really emotional. Having only run two 5ks, I cannot imagine how it would feel to conquer the beast that is 26.6 miles, but watching this made me tear up. Notwithstanding the physical triumph, but some people were running for others. Could I ever set this as the ultimate goal? To show my body that I care for it and trust it to care for me as I challenge it?

Grass skirt guy!

I said to D, as we were watching, that I’d enther be crying the entire time (that’s a long time, folks) or stopping to help everyone who stopped or looked ill. Yeah. I’d better get a grip first haha.

The sky over by Blackfrier’s Bridge was beautiful and baby blue at around half 12 when we were there.

Crystal clear.

So we walked around a bit and D taught me how to use a film camera while we had tea by St. Paul’s.

St. Paul's. Favourite of London.

You have no idea how many pictures I have of St. Paul’s.

Roofs and Sky. Classic Hannah.

This one especially. How can you not love the rooftops?

Perfection.

We soon relocated to Sainsbury’s where D bought a baguette which I stuck in my bag.

I had to get this classic picture. It isn't in the 'bean' but it's close.

Not knowing what to do, we decided to check out the Tate Modern, which I haven’t been to yet. Don’t hate on my lack of tourist capabilities. I’ve got a lot on my mind.

Recognise this bridge?

We crossed the Millinnium Bridge, like the one from Harry Potter.

Hey....that is NOT what is on the other side...

Except the real one crossed to the Tate, where we were going.

Check out that sky.

The Tate Modern is WEIRD. I shall confess to being more of a classic art girl, so this was a bit odd, but it’s so close so I had to go.

Book art? I can go for that.

Luckily, there was something on the wall near most of the art that gave you the ‘bigger picture’ in case modern art wasn’t your thing. Or you weren’t feeling especially sharp that day in terms of abstract applicatoin.

I'm in the art. This was actually a piece of art.

Some of them were just like….hm…..

All I can think of is jabba the hut, but that isn't what this is at all.

When we finally left the Tate, it was pouring. I went over to D’s flat for a bit where I had some ginger tea while D ate baguette and cheese. Then we watched My Drunk Kitchen (if you haven’t seen this DO IT) and some Feminist videos and chatted about intellectual things.

In terms of food, I’ve been trying to save money/eat everything in my room so I don’t end up with things to take home with me. It is actually kind of fun because it forces new combinations into things.

First attempt at overnight oats.....barley flakes....

This was my first attempt at overnight oats. 1/4 cup barley flakes, 1/4 cup yogurt, 1 tsp maca, 6 strawberries, 1 tbsp coconut flour, 1/4 cup soy milk. Left overnight. Hm. It was….I don’t know how I felt about it. Perhaps it was the barley flakes, but they just felt a bit soggy. And the yogurt was almost off (which is why I used it) so I think I’ll try it again. In general, I’m certain that I prefer oats to barley flakes, so I’m not sure I”ll try them again.

I’ve been making lots of spreads (and eating them, obviously) lately. I finally put tahini in hummus (I used to be scared to do so because of extra calories- PSSSH) and it tastes so good! I’ve also been experimenting with different beans and different mix-ins. This certain one had peanut butter in.

I didn’t take this picture at night, but rather in bad lighting on a brown scarf. Yes, I know you’re all jealous of my photography skills. But fear not, I’m taking photography in the fall!

Peanut Butter Hummus

I broke my blue plate, so there will be no more blue plate special (aka: every single meal on that blue plate) but now we’re working with boring white plate. Sorry. 2 months guys, two months. Then I get my gnome plate back!

The market is my love. Last week I bought 2 large square punnets of Strawberries for £1.50. They’ve been eaten. Oh yes.

1/2 giant tub Alpro soy yogurt (favourite), 2 tbsp peanut flour, basically like 16 strawberries

I love strawberries. They are also the most beautiful fruit to photograph.

Since I have basically no food left in my fridge, I had to improvise. I looked around my room and saw that I had some things. 3 eggs, coconut flour, leftover peanut butter hummus. Hm…thought I, what can I make with these? I hopped online and found this recipe

I love Leanne’s recipes and her photography is phenominal. Where do you live Leanne, that you get such great light???? Obviously not London with its relentless rain….

crusty but moist inside.

Chocolate Coconut Protein Bread
Adapted from THIS

makes 1 small loaf, serves 4!

1/4 cup chocolate protein powder ( I used GoTein, since that’s what I’ve got on hand)
1/4 cup coconut flour
3 eggs
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 cup hummus (I used PB hummus, but you could also use some other puree like carrot, prune, pumpkin, or applesauce)
1 tsp almond extract
1/2 cup wheat bran

Literally had to stop myself from just eating the batter.

1. Combine protein powder, coconut flour, baking soda. Set aside.
2. In a small bowl, mix eggs, puree, and vanilla until incorporated.
3. Pour the wet mixture into the dry and mix with a wooden spoon or spatula until just mixed.
put in greased bread pan
4. Bake on the middle rack for 23-25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.
Remove from the oven and allow to cool completely (about 1 hour) before serving. <– that didn’t happen, I ate it.

Look at how moisttttt

Seriously so much protein in this bread- 10g per slice!

topped with coconut flour spread- since that is literlaly ALL I had to put on top.

Sliced into 1/4′ths they are pretty thick slices, so I sliced one slice in half and ate it open faced. Enough slice?

The last bite.

 I had another slice for breakfast this morning, sans topping at all, since I was in a rush to get to the library to revise. Speaking of which, did you guys hear about the guy who threatened to blow himself up on Tottenham Court Road today? That’s near where I was, I tried to go buy nut butter there, but the police had cordoned it off. 

If you know me, I’m as stingy as they come. Not only because I like to save, but because I’m literally petrified of spending. I have a credit card, but I never use it. I never take money out of the bankomat, and I always use cash.

Take today, for instance. I am utterly out of nut butter. I’ve been making it for myself since peanuts are only £0.56 at Sainsbury’s and my flat mate has a mini food processor. But lately I’ve been going through it quicker (yay me!) so it’s gone and gone. I decided to challenge myself and get something that came in a jar. Product of choice?

Apricot Kernel Butter!

I’ve seen this on some blogs and know they don’t sell it in the US so I had to give it a try.

But it wasn’t as easy as all that. I’d prepped myself and even asked my mom if I coud justify buying it rather than making it for cheap. I’d been at the library for a couple hours and then at a revising session. I headed to one store, as  I mentioned above, but was turned away because of the hostige situation. ‘Could this be a sign that I shouldn’t spend money?’ I thought as I walked to the other more local natural foods shop. In I walked, surveying the nut butters. They all looked delicious and I imediately saw the one that was the most “interesting” and yet the one that cost £5.39. Yes my friends, that would be how much I’d spend on about 6 packages of peanuts at Sainsbury’s which would last me until I go home, and then some.

I walked out of the store.

I walked around the block. I thought I lost my oyster card. It was in my bag.

I walked back into the store and bought the damn thing.

And friends, it tasted good.

I had to add a bit of salt, because I couldn’t taste it that much, but that could be because I was just hungry. Or perhaps I didn’t know what it SHOULD taste like. Definitately realy mild, and not very nutty, but distinct. The texture was the same, quite drippy with a lovely flecked almost rosy colour. High in protein too, which you’d never know. Oh the things you can make into nut butter these days.

Already spooned into....forked, rather

The next challenge will be to actually fill my fridge this weekend, for I cannot live on plums and nut butter alone. Well I could….but….

Love, Hannah

 

Pink Fruit and Carbs

Yeah, that’s right. That’s what this post is about. Things I’ve been making out of whatever is in my fridge.

Doesn’t really include much green…but we’ll manage. I obviously need to go to the shops

As usual, I shall provide current favourite song-age for your listening pleasure:

So I made my friend D, previously mentioned in my last post, some courgette/zucchini bread. But it was too big for the pan, so I baked some in a mug and kept it.

Mug Bread. Doesn't get much better, folks.

It didn’t come out half bad.

I got my wrap on with a whole grain wrap, egg whites, a two plums, some yogurt cheese, and some chocolate peanut butter. YUM. If you’ve never had sweet eggs, I’m telling you guys, you’ve just got to do it.

All wrapped up. Only it was too big....:)

Strawberries taste really nice sprinkled with coconut flour. I’d gotten these strawberries because I just really fancied them.

Check it out!

I still love puffed wheat. I can’t wait to get back to other sugarless cereals in the states. But these are good for now. Plus two plums and some peanut flour and maca and coconut flour and soy milk = yum. Did you know if you put coconut flour into soy milk or whatever it becomes really thick? Can’t wait to try this with overnight oats.

Bowl of goodness.

Also, I’d completely forgotten about microwave cakes! I randomly thought of it one day in a pinch, and was so glad I had remembered!

Doesn't it look kind of fancy?

Would you believe that a couple months ago, if you asked me whether I liked tahini I’d have told you “ew, no way it’s too bitter!” Well something within me changed while we were camping/hitchhiking this fall and I love it now! I just can’t get enough!

You bet I finished that jar off in two weeks!

Tahini and oats is a combo made in heaven, I’d say. Never going back again.

I tried to make some almond and cashew butter, but I burned the nuts (it made me so upset!) and they wouldn’t bind no matter how much oil I added. So I gave up and made cupcakes with them.

Chocolate almond butter cupcakes with cashew chocolate frosting?

Whenever I eat oats in a jar, there is always too much oats for the jar. So I end up with this:

which I mix with whatever I want--> lately it has been maca and coconut flour.

Tell me I’m not the only one who loves the crispy bits of oats at the bottom of the pot?

Once I discovered microcakes again, I couldn’t stop.

aren't microcakes cute?

and sometimes I need to get my egg on.

omelettes with two plums, peanut flour, coconut flour, peanut flour sauce, and maca.

I loved this. So delicious. Again with the crispy bits.

I’m  weird, so kill me.

This has been the most random camera dumping post. As I get back into the swing, I swear I’ll be more interesting.

On a happy note: My friends and I went clubbing.

Love my friends!

Then they sprayed foam in big cannons….

Completely soaked....

Oh sorry….did I say I’d leave you on a happy note?

I want this.

Love, Hannah

Today I’m the Comeback Kid

Hi, remember me?

I told you I was taking a break and a break I took. During my break I found some time to grow as a person a bit more. Living off of the internet is something to be taken into consideration. This is not to say that I intended to completely forsake this blog, because obviously I haven’t done, but rather that human contact made me feel more alive than I have in years. Therefore, I wasn’t needing to distract myself from my woes of displaced anxiety with the internet. I should be blogging because I want to share myself, not to cover up anxiety.

Oh, and for those of you who know Sleigh Bells- title inspired by this song, which is a current favourite on my “This is my Energy Face” playlist for days when I feel sleepy

So since it’s been awhile, I shall give you a bit of a recap of what’s been going on. Honestly, there hasn’t been much happening here in London other than I’ve made a friend group (YAY) and have been hanging out with them. I”m on my spring holidays/revision time now, so that’s happening. I spent today taking notes for a paper on disability theory/gender theory. Woohoo.

SOAS had Holi, which was really cool looking. I’d planned on participating and had even scrounged up an old white shirt I wasn’t too fond of, but as I got there and realised that I had no friend to throw dye at/have them throw at me, I decided to just watch.

Colour my world.

I was feeling super lonely and anxious on saturday, but luckily my friend D invited me to go to the Victoria and Albert Museum with he and his parents, who are visiting for the week. If you’ve never been there, go! It’s simply fab and D and I are already planning to go back.

D and his mother looking at the golden Silk Spider robe!

I wanted this mug: Every meal should be a Love Feast shouldn’t it?

Love Feast? Is that related to Lady Gaga's lovegame?

We found an owl that you could touch.

Owl always love you

So touch it I did.

Oh, I just wanna take him home.

I have no idea why this picture is so big. I’ll fix it later.

Continuing on, if I haven’t scared you off with enormous photographs….

Don't tell me you don't impersonate statues too...

I was falling.

D’s parents took us out to dinner as well! They said some Japanese place so I thought it would be a chain. I looked up what I could eat and felt pretty good about it.

Turns out it wasn’t that place and I totally did NOT freak out!! I’m really proud of myself, because the meal was wonderful. D and his parents are great conversationalists and we tried not to be distracted by the ridiculous Niki Manaj marathon that was playing on the all-too-large flatscreen behind out table

D got some sort of stir fry thing that came with Kimchi, which he gave to me because it was too spicy.

and lettuce!

I got some sort of fancy salad that came with japanese dressing, tofu, carrots, fried shallots (yum!), seaweed (yummier!), sweetcorn (ew), bell pepper, and tofu miso soup on the side. I also ordered two pickles, one was a radish one (pink) and the other was a cucumber one? (green). I loved the radish one but the cucumber one had a strange texture.

YUM.

Why is that so big? WHAT is going on?

My favourite part of the meal was the fact that we got to use chopsticks! D’s mom got a really nice soup with some noodles in it, which she let me try. And his Dad let me try his Sake, which was like really alcoholic warm wine. Alright.

I felt as happy as I loook!

I sprinkled some spicy something that was on the table all over my meal, which gave it a nice bite, since I love spicy food.

The tofu was the most silken tofu I’ve ever had and I had quite the time picking it up with the chopsticks. The carrots were quite the character as well, because they just stuck up like a big bramble bush on top of the salad and I had a bit of difficulty picking them up without everything going flying! I would have easily added more seaweed though. There is something about seaweed that I just really like. Please tell me I’m not the only one?

We chatted.

We cleaned our plates…erm….bowls…

Except sweetcorn. I hate sweetcorn.

All in all, a great, great time. and I totally like Japanese food, which I’ve never had.

Looking forward to being back! I’ve got a review coming for a new product for my ipod, as well as some good foodie things and philosophising.

Love, Hannah

Just a Little Misunderstood

Although no one likes to admit it, when they need to know something, where do they head?

Wikipedia, of course.

Yes, even educated individuals. It doesn’t get any easier than Wiki’s easy breakdowns by topic, year, or whatever other organisational method they’ve got going on.

My friends, I am a private liberal arts college student, and I use Wikipedia.

But the other day,  I found through stumbleupon, an article about misheard lyrics. Most were pretty stupid, but some were funny.

**side note: if you haven’t checked stumbleupon out, do it not. At the risk of it eating up all your time. But in all seriousness, it’s worth it because you find things you might never have stumbled upon before; hence the name.

There are so many songs that you hear and automatically repeat, without thinking about the lyrics. And when you DO think about the lyrics, you don’t really know what they’re saying, so you go on saying them anyway.

Or there was that time in elementary school when you thought the words in “Truly, Madly, Deeply” were “Until this guy falls down on me” instead of “Until the sky falls down on me” and sung it everywhere, acting it out.  Or how about OMC’s “How Bizarre” sung “hell bizarre” with a giggle because you were 8 and saying “h-e-double toothpicks?

It just got me thinking about representation and being misunderstood. How can we ever posses enough knowledge about each other to truly understand an action, decision, or motive?

I struggle with how people perceive me. And how I think they will. For example, I’m not a big drinker. My flat mates, notwithstanding the fact that they are 3 years my junior, are big drinkers. Nightly, I’d say. And I want them to want to be with me, but I don’t want to feel like I have to drink in order for them to desire my company.

So do I go with them anyway when they ask? (Which they’ve all but stopped doing), Or should I ask them if I can join? (this feels rude). Most of all, it pains me how much it matters to me that they include me. Sure, I could go find other friends, but isn’t it a shame to live in a flat of people who all go out without you? I’ve got this paradox of living with people whose interests don’t line up with mine.

SO WHY on earth do I feel inadequate? Why should I feel any less because I don’t like to drink and they do? Sometimes I catch myself thinking, well they’re having more fun. Um, no, Hannah. You’re the person who enjoys sitting in a park with a book, or curling up in bed with a book, or a quiet chat in a cafe. You are not keen on getting massively drunk, one night stands, and loud crowded rooms. And you’re not missing much. This might be what they’re into, but you don’t need to measure yourself by their yardstick.

and it’s their problem if they are thinking less of me because I am not conforming to what they are used to. Wouldn’t you know it, each time I’ve declined an offer and stayed in, I woke up the next morning feeling well rested and thankful that I listened to my heart.

This is all part of “finding my tribe” as my mother puts it. I am in the process of finding those people who truly value who I am, even if they are different. It’s a long process, but by golly, don’t ever make yourself be with people who make you feel unworthy or less than.

~~~~~~~

It’s viel viel sunny today!!

HOW CUTE ARE YOU

I kind of want a fox.

and may I share with you a trick I just learned? Don’t pay attention to the fact that I haven’t even got a toaster here or back in the States. Also don’t pretend you haven’t wondered how to make grilled cheese without waiting ages in a frying pan.

oh....wow....this just changed my life.

I love the way chia oats look.

chiah man!

Sweet Hummus. Made it again. Yes. BITE.

I’ve got to make more chestnut spread. In the meantime, I just finished some sweet hummus I’d made. I forget what was in, but it was nice. On wholemeal bread, topped with maca. mmmmm.

ready for my close up. Give me a little cinnamon blush.

I love spreads.

White Chocolate Coconut Peanut Butter

This stuff is good man.

spoon.

There is no need for a recipe. If you have peanut butter/peanuts + white chocolate + coconut (or a white chocolate coconut bar, like I did) you can make this too.

and you’ll be oh so glad you did.

I went to Nando’s recently. If you’ve never been there, there are condiments galore!! I usually get them all on a plate like this. See how excited I am?

OH WOW SAUCES

Other than this. Usual room cleaning. Or scrapbooking.

All the recycling!

I also ran into this article on stumbleupon about How to Rationalise your Pinterest. I’m not addicted yet, but thought it was funny. If you need help with this, this article will make you laugh.

I’m going to see Noises Off! tonight. I played Belinda in high school, and I’ve always wanted to see it done up by someone else. I’m so excited!!

Love, Hannah

ps; I had the BEST pancakes this morning. Stay tuned.

flapjacks

Good Morning!! It’s almost the end of my reading week. Oddly enough, I couldn’t get myself to read for class during the day yesterday but found myself up until half four because I couldn’t stop? Things you get up to, nights….

Let’s take a peak into my life and how I photo-document it awkwardly. Only, the only thing is I don’t usually do that. But for some reason, I decided to and now you’re privy to all my outrageous faces. Also, it is reading week and I’ve got nothing better to do.

On last I woke up and thought I’d make some flapjacks. (Read: my flat mates begged me to make flapjacks and gave me all their pocket change in the form of 1 and 2p coins)

“I think I’ll make some flapjacks! (you see them?)

So I whipped some up. (after going to the store and finding a proper recipe)

look nice but....

Yes, I made them and I tried to get them out of the pan….and I felt like this

"um....I almost got blisters!"

When the recipe called for butter, I don’t think they accounted for the entire stick you’d probably need to keep the darn thing from sticking to the pan.

Sticky little devils

You’d never know.

But get them out I did. They were demolished within two days.

Just thank the UK.

Traditional Flapjacks (and chocolate version)

Adapted from About British Food

• 4 ½ oz/ 6 tbsp Golden Syrup or corn syrup (golden syrup I found at the shops but I think it has to be something a bit sticker than honey)
• 1/2 cup granulated sugar
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 2 sticks/200g unsalted butter
• 12 oz/330g porridge oats

Preheat the oven to 350°F/180°C/Gas 4 (thank goodness the website told me this; the ovens here and I….well…)

• Butter a 9″x 13″/23cm x 33cm Swiss roll tin and line the base with baking parchment.(they mean butter it- these puppies are sticky!)
• Place the syrup and butter into a large saucepan and heat gently until the butter has melted into the syrup and stir well. Make sure you don’t skimp on the golden syrup. It’s a devil to get out of the jar, but it is the key for holding your ‘jacks together.
• Put the oats into the pot, add a pinch of salt then pour over the butter and syrup mixture and stir to coat the oats.
• Pour the mixture into the prepared tin and spread evenly to fill the tin making sure the surface is even.
• Bake in the preheated oven for 25 minutes or until golden brown. Remove from the oven while the flapjack is still slightly soft, they will harden once cool. (key!)
• Place the tin on a wire cooling rack and cut the flapjack into squares and leave in the tin until completely cold.

Doubled for chocolate version, which included 1/2 a chocolate bar, melted and stirred in.

Like I said. Well received.

~~~~~

Today I walked to Regent’s park to take more surveys for £10. Gotta get your money where you can, eh? I stopped at Regent’s park for a bit and read my book as well, which was wonderful.

Only, it’s warm out?

This survey involved choosing a chocolate and eating it and then answering some questions about your consumption experience. I’ve done one like this before, but I am always keen for an exposure experience. Eating a decadent chocolate is good for me to do once in awhile and to prove that I can identify which chocolate I want, eat it, and savour it- Not take a nibble and save the rest for later, as I would usually do.
I chose the “Framboisine” which was

“Dark chocolate with dark chocolate ganache sprinkled with raspberries bits”

Perfectly dark with hints of fruity raspberry. Just what I wanted. They asked in the survey if I felt guilt or remorse or anxiety or whatever. I felt none of those things. Ed was just quiet as I closed my eyes and took delicious bites of this chocolate, letting it melt on my tongue and sent it’s chocolaty wonder miracles to my brain.
and no. I didn’t gain 5 lbs instantly. and I’m not going to be heavier tomorrow.

Since I’ve been learning to treat myself and listen to my body, I felt good having that chocolate. I’m learning to eat when I’m hungry, and stop when I’m full.
That last thing is something I have trouble with. It’s not a binge, because I carefully plan and portion what I eat AND because I still undereat. It’s a paradox because it shouldn’t be a problem to stuff yourself full of lettuce, but my friends, it can be done. Regardless of what I’m eating, I should be able to let it lie and come back later, or to just stop alltogether. I think it has something to do with

But if I’m full before I’ve finished what is on my plate, I continue until I feel a bit too full. What am I afraid of- waste? In treatment, we were forced to lick our plates with a penalty for anything that remained unfinished. So I feel guilty for not finishing things or for “wasting” food. Again, this has never been like I couldn’t finish a loaf of bread or a giant pan of brownies or something (because I don’t do that), but rather like a bowl of oats, or a kabocha squash.
Although this was years ago, it is subconsciously engrained in my psyche that I must finish everything.

As a recovering Anorexic, it’s difficult to strike a balance. I’m really working on this, as I piece my recovery together. Part of intuitive eating is allowing yourself to eat when you’re hungry and stop when you’re full. Does anyone have any tips for this? 

~~~~

On another note, I’ve got things in my fridge I need to do things with. And my friend has commissioned me to make him a Zucchini bread with cream cheese icing.  AND the weekend holds the farmer’s market and perhaps marketing with my flat mate!! Oh the joys. I should consider making it a practise to write down my joys and gratitudes daily, so I can be reminded that although I sometimes feel overwhelmed, there is so much that is going well for me, and it’s getting better all the time.

Cue the song:

I shall leave you with another feel good song. Otis reminds us all to relax and waste some time. Your soul and your mind will thank you.

Love, Hannah