Get Real

Hi All.

I was talking to my mom via skype lately and, as usual, we got to talking about recovery and life.

We’re very philosophical, my mother and I.

I do lots of thinking about letting go and the limitations of my ED. Here are some of the things I’ve come across and I need to let go of.

1. I’m letting go of the fact that I’m never going to be tall with long legs.

I wouldn't want to be creepy like this :)

Reframe: My legs are strong and can power me through walking around London. If I didn’t have any muscles, I couldn’t see all the sites!

2. I’m letting go of the fact that I’m not the most social person out there. 


Reframe: It is completely not to enjoy clubbing so much, and I can go out sometimes too. It’s all about balance. I know that my body needs more sleep. I listen.

3. I’m letting go of the need to control every situation around food

Weighing my options

Reframe: I’m learning that food can be a social thing. Eating things others prepare, trying samples or eating because someone offers food to me will not automatically blow me up into a blimp.

4. I’m letting go of the past 

The past can shape me but it will not hold me back

Reframe: Yes, I’ve had social trouble, I haven’t been happy, I’ve had an eating disorder. But that does not have to be my future. I can live the vibrant life I dream about. Looking backwards with one hand holding on is never going to allow me to grow.

5. I’m letting go of being alone

Come find me!

Reframe: I may not have a best friend, and I may have never dated, but there are people out there who will make me feel special, just how I am. My mom says I’m looking for a very rare fish in a big pond. It may be true. I need to do my part to look for them, as they are hopefully looking for me too!

6. I’m letting go of restricting my entire lifestyle 

Money. Such a complex thing.

Reframe: Spending money doesn’t automatically make me a bad person or immediately destitute. I don’t need to restrict spending because I have money to eat, money with which to have fun. When I restrict my money, I become “unfun” and avoid situations. This is the most difficult, as I learn to spend without guilt.

I’m learning. Recovery is a process. I always like to say I’m getting my midlife crisis out of the way early.


Day two of reading week! I went to work yesterday, my first day as Nanny (remember the job that wasn’t going to work out? It did!!) The girls are lovely and the family is just amazing. Their flat looks out over London, which is just perfection in itself. I feel welcomed by their community and it is just a blessing. Isn’t it grand to love your job?

I definitely saw a guy walking down the street with one of these yesterday:

Stuck in the past?

I did a double take and laughed to myself.

I’ve been eating lots of this:

Read: It is now gone

and this 

Curry Spiced Hummus

I’ve been craving chocolate like no one’s business. I’ve been out for a couple days and haven’t been to the shops to get any. I have my eye on this bar:


I love dark chocolate. The stranger the flavour, the better. As long as it hasn’t got Hazelnuts or Pistachios, I’m golden.

I can’t wait until WIAW tomorrow- it’s going to be a good one!

Enjoy your snow. I’m jealous. Perhaps occasion to being out the Christmas music early? I always say never before my birthday (November 24th) but this year perhaps I’ll need to.
Love, Hannah

About Hannah B.

I'm a 24 year old graduate student living in NYC. I study Education, but I'm a keen writer.

Posted on November 8, 2011, in About me, daily musings, friends, frustrated, goals, Happy Days, philosophy, study abroad, travel, Uncategorized, WIN and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 35 Comments.

  1. That chocolate sounds amazing! I think that taking some time to go through things in your life that are holding you back and letting them go is such a good process. I know that when I’ve done that before it leaves me feeling so much lighter and less anxious :-)

  2. It sounds like you have a great relationship with your mom! That’s great you can have a heart to heart with her like that. It’s always great to get a good dose of reality :)

  3. That’s so great you have such a fabulous relationship with your mommy :) You’ve learned SO much from your time abroad already!
    I need to work on #6 too, I always get buyer’s remorse even when it’s on something I need to get. Ya know, I never thought that guilt could’ve stemmed from my ED, thanks for the new perspective!
    Can’t wait to see your WIAW!!

  4. you are amazing!
    this post made me smile–it’s so great that you are moving past things and looking on the brighter side!
    ive got to let go of restricting myself as well. whether its money, or food.

  5. I LOVE THIS POST!!!!!!! I can actually really relate to the social points you discussed and I have got to learn to let those things go as well…..thanks for reminding me!!!!!!

  6. Sounds like a lovely mother-daughter chat. Great job getting the… uh… job. (perhaps I should expand my vocabulary)

  7. YES you are awesome!!!! It is great that you have a close relationship with your mama like this..that is essential!! I have decided I am coming to London just to walk around with you because I am still soooo jealous!

    • PLEASE COME! I regret that I have nothing to offer you in the way of sleeping arrangements but my floor, but you can have my extra duvet and we can roast my flatmates extra veg because he is going out of town and go to markets and walk around.
      I’m serious, btw. If you fancy a trip, come!!!!

  8. “I’m learning that food can be a social thing. Eating things others prepare, trying samples or eating because someone offers food to me will not automatically blow me up into a blimp.” That is exactly something I’ve had to realize in my own life. :) Do you like skype? My family and I are considering using it when I head off to college. :)

    • Yes it’s a great realization, isn’t it? Releasing food is so much more than “weight in a pill” makes life so much more full and I can be much more present as well.
      Skype? I should be skype’s spokesperson. It’s great!! Occasionally the calls drop or sound like they’re under water, but honestly, for a free telephone service, what’s not to love? Get’s the Hannah seal of approval ;)

  9. That chocolate bar has squirrels on it! I want it too. :) I’m really close with my mom too and I’m pretty sure she’s the only one who will ever understand me. I wish I could get her to talk on Skype with me too.

  10. We are so so similar in our need to let go’s. Except for the leg thing.
    I realize I resrtict so many aspects of my life, that I should be enjoying!
    Mom’s are the best, I need to have a skype sesh soon with mine.
    Glad your nanny job worked out! I did that over the summer.

  11. I can relate to this so much. Particuarly the social, food control, money restricting thing. Those are hard things to let go of, but I think doing so would make life SO much better.

  12. Haha, that phone is cracking me up, can’t believe someone was actually using it! I’ve let go of dreams of long legs and enjoying being social, too. But I like my strong gams and time spent alone reading, so there :)

  13. I just love that you can be so honest with yourself. After all, it opens so many dOors for self-improvement. You’re real, your goals are real. That brings me back down to earth. Thank you for the awesome post!!

    X ;)

  14. This is such a great post – a fantastic reminder that we have to let go of unrealistic expectations of ourselves and behaviours that aren’t helpful.
    I can be quite shy and learning to accept that about myself while still trying to be sociable and enjoying life is a huge challenge, but very liberating.

  15. Great reflections—one thing I’ve learned is that you really can always reframe the story! Life itself is a process, and when you have improvements to make (like we all do) it can be a positive thing…with a positive outcome—a great life!

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts so honestly, it helps me to reflect and reframe too.

  16. I’ve had that bar – I thought it was just okay for the most part. I preferred the bread & chocolate flavor.

  17. This is a great post Hannah. We should all reframe more often.

    I always thought I was weird because I don’t really like parties, large groups, clubs, etc, and love meeting people like me.

    Also, I didn’t have my first boyfriend till AFTER college and thought I’d never have one, like there was something wrong with me… but a few years later, I’m in a happy relationship with the best man ever, and I’m so glad I didn’t waste my time with any duds back in college, and instead spent time with friends that still mean the world to me.

    • Well here’s another person like you!!
      Oh gosh it is so good to know that never having dated isn’t the end of the world. It just seems a bit lonely sometimes, especially because I have such difficulty connecting with and making friends in general.

  18. accepting the things we aren’t or can’t be are so incredibly important. I am so glad you had this conversation!


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